I am getting ready to start leading a new Bible Study, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer. We are reading the book by the same name and will be reading a chapter a week, then applying the truths from that chapter to our lives. I am excited to get started leading this because it's an area of my life I feel like I have been slaking. I allow business to get in the way of my relationship with God and then wonder why I struggle to hear Him or feel His presences.
By leading the study (really just facilitating, it's a group effort to lead these things) I stay accountable to pray regularly. I to pray for those who attend the study and any request I know they may have.
I stay more focused in the word. Reading the Bible and really trying to hear what God is saying in the verses I have read.
And finally the biggest part for me is the relationships/friendships that grow because of these studies and of course Gods prompting.
I have been pre-reading the book to get an idea of what we will be discussing and also so that I am able to help lead each week. Wow! I know this book is going to be good!
I know prayer is an area of my life that I have always struggled, I have brief periods where I really felt like God was speaking to me, not in loud audible voice but more in confirming truths. And I am hoping that through this study that I will gain some tools, and insight on how to focus on what and how God is speaking to me. And my prayer is that those Ladies that need this will attend or at-least buy and read the book. As we go through this study I will be posting on here about it.
On another note I have felt pulled away from God lately and I know it's me, and not God abandoning me. I have been very unhappy in this place and I am not sure why. I can't define anyone thing that makes me feel this way. For a while I have felt like it's because my family is all in Ohio and I am here in Kansas. I believe God brought us here for a purpose, I just wonder now if we have fulfilled that purpose and it's time to move on or is it my selfish desires to be close to my family that is making me unhappy!?!
Don't get me wrong I love my job (most days), and the church we are at is wonderful! I just have felt like something is missing.
I am trying to rediscover who I am and what I like. It's hard when your whole existence has been wrapped up in being someones mom or wife. I love those roles and am so blessed to have them, but I need to also be me. I am not sure who that is exactly. Maybe this is my mid-life crisis and I am just trying to figure out who I am, where I belong. Or maybe I am just crazy! I wonder if I am the only one that feels this way. I have to believe I am not! I am a part of this group on Facebook for parents of kid who have "Grown and Flown" and many of the ladies in this group post about exactly what I am feeling. What's next? What happens to us as moms when the kids are no longer dependent on us? When we've done the best we can not to completely screw them up, so that they can become productive members of society.
One thing I have started doing is I started taking better care of myself and my physical needs. Like eating healthier, exercising, and taking a little time for myself. I have been walking, a little weight lifting and am hoping to get back to running soon. Maybe through this, and adjusting my prayer life, and my spiritual life as whole I will begin to figure out who I am.
The good thing is I know whose I am, so I know and truly believe I am not alone in this battle. Satan really tries to pull us away and make us believe that God has abandoned us or that we are the only ones who feel this way so there must be something wrong with us. I think I have allowed that doubt to creep in, and now I have to dismiss these lies. I don't believe things to be a coincidence. This past few weeks in youth we have talking about putting on the lenses of God. Seeing the world through Jesus and His Word.
This last week we touched on loneliness and finding fulfillment in things of this world.
Oh Boy am I there! And I think its a lack of really connecting, really hearing what God is saying to me. So over the next few months as we go through this book study, my prayer is that I will hear from God. (The neon sign, bonk on the head, realization that God is speaking to me) That that connection will grow and unlike our home wifi it will be strong, and always available!
My prayer for you is that you also will feel that connection with God and know He is real, He is with you, and Created you.
1 Corinthians 14:15 Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 Then what am I to do? I will pray with the [a]spirit [by the Holy Spirit that is within me] and I will pray with the mind [using words I understand]; I will sing with the spirit [by the Holy Spirit that is within me] and I will sing with the mind [using words I understand].
This scripture in Psalm 139 keeps coming to mind and it's my prayer right now: