Sunday, July 15, 2018

Joy-Quiet, Confident, Assurance of Gods Love.

 One of the things I struggle with is scripture memorization and staying connected to being in Gods word.

This year one of my goals was to read through the Bible, but more importantly to really dig into scripture. Some months have been better than others.   Now that the year is halfway over I probably won’t make it through the Bible just reading the Scriptures,  not because I don’t have enough time. But, because I want what I’m reading to be understood, to have meaning, and to be impactful. I believe that the Bible is just as true today, just as relevant today, as it was when it was first written.  

In June Katie bought me a blank journal for my birthday.
Those that know me know I love pens, journals and notebooks, and really just about any kind of school supplies. I wasn’t sure what to do with the journal. I am a terrible journal keeper.  I do okay for a few days or even weeks then life happens and I get busy and stop doing it or I don’t think I have anything exciting to write. Many times I’ve gone on mission trips or to camps or retreats and started a journal with every intention of completing it, but very rarely do.  So this time I wanted to do something more with these blank pages. To leave behind something that someday my kids or grand-kids will pick up and read, and get to know me through them.  I am writing out the scriptures as I study them, adding notes and interesting things I learn along the way. 

  In the Bible study I’m leading right now, I challenge the women to be in scripture daily and of focusing on what they’re reading .  In June I read through the book of Philippians and try to really study it and see what truths I could get out of it.  I took about two weeks time, to really dig into this book in the Bible. Here are some of my notes from Chapter 1. 

Philippians was written about 61 AD written by Paul it was a letter of encouragement to the Christians and Philippi and to believed everywhere!  Paul wrote this letter to thank the Philippians and to encourage them and give them strength. 

Chapter 1-Living for Christ

As you grow in Christ love your heart and mind must grow together.

Verse 1 I thank my God every time I remember you
Verse 6  being confident of this, that he who began a good working you will carry it on until the day of Christ Jesus.
— what this verse says to me is when God starts a project he completed and that God won’t give up on you

Verse 9  and this is my prayer; that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight.
—  what this first speaks to me is as you grow in Christ love your heart and mind must grow together and that we need to be unified in love

Verse 10  so that you may be able to discern what is best and maybe pure and blameless until the day of Christ .

Verse 21 for me to live is Christ and to die is gain
— this verse says to me is if you’re not ready to die, then you’re not ready to live.  Devote your life to what really counts without fear of death. Make certain of your eternal destiny then you’ll be free to serve.

Verse 27a  whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ ...

 This first part of Philippians,  talks about Christ and his provisions for us.  We can find joy in serving and living for Christ. One of the things my study Bible talks about with this first part of Philippians is not to let your present conditions rob you of the joy of knowing Christ or keep you from growing closer to him. And I think that’s really true. Sometimes our lives are not what we expect them to be, sometimes we’re going to have bad days maybe even bad weeks or months or years. But we need to remember that joy and happiness are different. When I find my joy in Christ and being obedient to what he’s called me to do, I don’t get so caught up in what the world says I need.  Chapter one talks about living for Christ even when we don’t get what you want and spite of our circumstances and even with conflicts and I think that’s a hard lesson to learn. As a believer we want to think that the soon as we have that relationship with Christ everything’s gonna be perfect in our lives are going to get better, and they do but not in the way that we sometimes think it should.

As I spent time each day over a two week time in the book of Philippians I feel like I was really able to soak in some truths.  I’ll share soon the the remaining three chapters and what stood out to me in each soon.

Overall in Philippians these new truths stood out.

 Joy is the quiet, confident assurance of God‘s love and work in our lives-that he will be there no matter what!

 Happiness depends on happenings, but joy depends on Christ.

 Rejoicing or joy appears 16 times and these four chapters.

  Paul knew freedom from suffering meant freedom to preach the gospel,. Period. His faith had been refined in the pressure cooker, so he knew there was no need to turn tail and run when things got hard.

 Philippians is Paul’s joy letter. It emphasizes the real joy of Christ in our lives. It was most likely written while he was in prison.

 It’s not enough to hear or read the word of God or even to know it well, we must also put it into practice.   We are not designed to live out our faith in isolation.

 As I read through these four short chapters it reminded me about God‘s love for me. Paul wrote this as an encouraging letter to others while he was in jail suffering himself. The faith he had and what God was doing in him and through him even while he was in prison is such an encouragement to me.  It helps me to see that no matter what I’m going through, no matter how difficult my day seems to be, God is with me, and God can use this difficulty in my life to shine His light!  So next time I’m confused, hurt, or wondering why God is allowing this bad thing to happen to me or someone I love, I’m going to reflect on what I learned in Philippians even if I have to go back and reread it and keep re-reading it. 

Have a Blessed Day!  

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Rooted: Mission Trip

Last week I was blessed to be on a team with some amazing students and adults as we went to Texas (south of Houston) to help serve, clean, and repair home damaged in the hurricane last year.  While on the trip we were blessed to have the best host church, Brazoria United Methodists Church, and met some incredible people along the journey.

Everyday on the trip we as a group worked through a devotional book Rooted.  It was meant to expose us to various forms of scripture memory and learning what Gods word has to say.

 He may not realize it, but every decision you make is a choice about where to place your roots .   Life is full of tiny decisions-and some huge ones-and each one of them sinks are root a little deeper. Where ever you decide to place your roots ends up  defining your life.

 God made us to be rooted in him. He loves us and wants us to have a relationship with him. He knows how we can experience real happiness, but the problem is, we miss out when we don’t want to listen. We think we know what is best and believe the key to happiness is focusing on us and not him. What we don’t realize is that we’re making a choice between routes as deep as our  own perspective or roots connected to the infinite and perfect  wisdom of the One who made you and the world you walk in.

“Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in [union with] Him [reflecting His character in the things you do and say--living lives that lead others away from sin], having been deeply rooted [in Him] and now being continually built up in Him and [becoming increasingly more] established in your faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing in it with gratitude.”
‭‭COLOSSIANS‬ ‭2:6-7‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Everything changes when we come to realize that God has the best plan for our lives. When we take the steps to admit our sins and give him control, we are making the decision to grow deep. This makes our purpose finally clear: to serve God and the people he cares about.

That’s what this trip was about for most of us, yes we knew we would get to do fun stuff, but that isn’t what our focus was.

Many on the trip experienced so many firsts.   First time to go to Texas, go to a professional baseball game, see the ocean, serve others.

 The first family we were able to help, we really connected with. Bob and Judy Carter are in their 70s.
 They been married for more than 50 years and helped build the home that they were living in the home that was destroyed by flooding.    Bob and Judy were right by our sides the whole time helping move tires hang drywall build a fence but more importantly they spoke directly to our hearts. Not only did they share their home with us they share their lives. They told us about their family, about their struggles with the flooding, their joys and their sorrows.  They had seen loss, not only with material things, but also the loss of a child.  Through it all they were rooted in their faith and trust in God. The whole first floor of their home was destroyed, and at first FEMA was not going to help them. They had no other choice but to start the work themselves, so for seven months that’s exactly what they did. Day by day and little by little they started the cleanup process.    By the time we got there to help them only one other mission team had been there to help.  They started the process of hanging Sheetrock, and the big cleanup.  We came in and were able to finish up.  Our team hung, taped and mudded the Sheetrock in the living room.  We tore down fences, built a fence repaired fences and did lots of cleanup. We stacked lots and lots of tires, found many little creatures, including my encounter with a snake ( we are pretty sure it was a water moccasin) ugh!!!

But most important we shared In Bob and Judy’s life for a few days! It’s my hope we were as much of bright spot for them as they were for us.

Our team continued the Sheetrock hanging as we were able to help another family, complete a living room with sheet rocking.

 Our students worked so hard the whole week never really complaining or saying they wouldn’t do something. None of us were used to the physical labor that we completed that week, however everyone chipped in and worked!

 Our host church so kind to us. Every day when we come home from our worksites they would have a new treats waiting for us. On Wednesday they prepared and authentic Texas BBQ.  Yummy!!!

They opened their church and their hearts to us.  We are so very grateful for their generosity! They truly showed us Gods love each day!

I’ve been on many mission trips before, helping serving, and sharing Gods love.  This one will hold a special place in my heart, because of the people.

My hope is that I’ll be like the people we met on this trip.

Like Bob and Judy who lost so much, but stayed firm in their faith, and had joy in spite of their circumstances.

 The people of Brazoria First United Methodist Church who opened their hearts , their church, and their lives to us complete strangers from Kansas.

And our students who experienced new, eye opening revelations from God.  Who stayed rooted in their faith along this journey.

Though I am physically exhausted, I am spiritually renewed!  Growing my roots more and more each day.

I know where I am rooted, do you?

Have a Blessed day!

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Facing Fears!

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this war. I can take the next thing that comes along.”  —Eleanor Roosevelt

 When we feel anxious about something, we often avoid it.   This doesn’t fix the problem in fact many times I can make the problem worse by trying to ignore it or avoid it.    The Sunday school class I am in is reading a book called Unafraid by Adam Hamilton.

I just wanted to share some of what I thought were the important pints that stand out.  Especially now when we’ve just had another school shooting and the news seems to never be anything good or positive.  (This is one reason I rarely watch the news)

 The reality is everyone worries about something. We all have things we fear. And most of us will have seasons when anxieties and fears simply overwhelm us. Fear is a powerful emotion that shaves all of us in profound ways we often don’t fully understand.

 Often we fear things that will never happen yet real or imagined, DR. spears have power. Sometimes our battles with fear take a more serious turn, becoming a debilitating struggle.

 The Bible is filled with stories of people who fears got the best of them.  The one I find most interesting is the Inrealites story found inNumbers.   The Israelites allowed their fear to keep them from the promised land for 40 years !  40 Years!! I can’t even imagine!

Or can I?
Fear False Events Apperaing Real

 We spend a lot of time and emotional energy worrying about and fearing things that will never happen.

 Most of the things were afraid of or not nearly as frightening as they seem, but the only way will learn this is to face her fears with Faith-Faith that will survive the roller coaster, faith that our parish it will open and allow us to fall slowly to the earth.

Face your fears with Faith
Examine your assumptions in light of the facts
Attack your anxieties with action
Release your cares to God

Don’t fear, because I am with you;
Don’t be afraid for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
I will surely help you;
I will hold you
With my strong righteous hand.
Isaiah 41:10

Whenever I’m afraid,
I put my trust in you-
In God, whose word I praise.
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid.
What can mere flesh (people) donto me?
Psalm 56:3-4

The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks. Then the peace of God that exceed all understanding will keep your hearts and minds safe in Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:5b-7

We can focus our imagination on all the things that might happen, and by inflating the threats are obstacles we face, he turned them in the Giants. Or we can focus our imagination on the presence of God-through prayer, singing hymns, sharing our struggles with close friends, and other spiritual disciplines-and trust that we will since his love and mercy holding a snake. When we imagine God’s presence and power be fine we can begin to live with courage and hope.

 We have some power over our fears !   I think for me the biggest thing is learning that I’m not alone in this life.  God has surrounded me with some amazing people, whom I can go to with my fears, my anxious thoughts and feelings and receiving Kerg God has surrounded me with some amazing people, whom I can go to with my fears, my anxious thoughts and feelings and receive encouragement from them.   I Also have Gods word and truth.   There so many scriptures that talk about not being afraid do not fear because God is with us I just have to remember that.

 The next time I start to feel overwhelmed with anxiety and fear I  need to dig into those scriptures, those truths from God and allow Him to take over my thinking.

My prayer for you is that you’d have Godly advice givers, and strength to be vulnerable and share with others.  We were not meant to live this life alone!

Have a Blessed day!

Insider Information

 Have you ever known something that you couldn’t tell other people until the time was just right?

 That’s how I think of the Holy Spirit inside of us is.  The spirit knows, what’s best for us, what path we need to take, what’s ahead. But sometimes the spirit can’t tell us those things we have to wait.   Sometimes our way in is because were not ready to hear it, sometimes are waiting is because God’s not ready to review it to us. Sometimes, we can’t hear the spirit.  Whatever the reason the spirit is still there waiting speaking to us showing us who God is !

  I’m currently reading the book Discerning the voice of God by Priscilla Schreier and leading as a Bible study .   I really have to pace myself with reading this book because were doing just a chapter a week .  

Last week we read chapter two and one of the stories in this chapter really summed up for me what the spirit does in us.  Priscilla gave an example of an airplane flight she once took.   Well she’s on this flight it’s suddenly seemed to drop out of the sky it caused a panic on the plane people imagine the worst in as quickly as that happened to paint the plane stabilized . And that’s when the pilot got on the loudspeaker telling all the passengers know what had happened. You see the control tower had a radio the pilot and told him he needed to send quickly because there was another plane coming directly for him and even though he couldn’t see that plane coming for him he trusted what the control tower told him.   Had the pilot not obeyed the control tower the story wouldn’t have a happy ending that it does. Those passengers had a very uneventful flight the rest of their flight.

 The Holy Spirit is to us with the control tower is to the airplane pilot. The spirits ability to see what we cannot, and then communicate information to us based on his knowledge, provides us with insight we could never obtain through on board instruments alone. And yes, sometimes what he asks of us put us in a place of discomfort that at the same time seems unnecessary from our vantage point, but trusting him and responding to him is always in our best interest.

1 Corinthians 3:16 says  Do you not know you are a temple of God and that the spirit of God dwells in you?

 This means that the spirit is in us!   This means that listening to him is an exercise in hearing from within-not being directed by external stimuli that divert our attention away from his direction.

He’ll give you for example, a red light of conviction, telling you to stop. Or a yellow light of caution, instructing you to hold back and wait a second. Or a green light of peace and permission, encouraging you to go ahead. When the spirit does this, celebrate!  It’s a living proof that the Holy Spirit is in there, working, guiding, changing your conscience from the inside out. Even if his direction seems momentarily uncomfortable, remember that he sees the whole picture. He is the control tower. He is protecting you from the disaster of your own uninformed inclinations. He steering you safely into God’s will, and he has your best interest in mind.  It’s living proof that the Holy Spirit is in there, working, guiding, changing your conscience from the inside out. Even if his directions seems momentarily uncomfortable, remember that he sees the whole picture. He is the control tower. He is protecting you from the disaster of your own uninformed inclinations. He steering you safely into God’s will, and he has your best interest in mind.

 So how do we know that it’s really the spirit talking to us?

 He wants you to know Him and to know what is the right thing to do. And because He’s fully aware that you and I are not always very good listeners, His pattern is to say things more than once, and more than one way, so that if were genuinely trying to listen and respond to His direction, we won’t miss Him.  This applies not only to the major decisions we need to make but also to the smaller details of life.

 Priscilla gives us the tools of the 5 M’s to correctly hearing Gods voice.

1.  Look for the Message of the Spirit.

  • Intentionally take time to listen and pay close attention. 

2.  Search out the Model of Scripture.

  • Stay Immersed in Gods word.
  • Carefully consider what you are hearing
  • Keep your eyes open when reading His Word

3.  Live in the Mode of Prayer

  • Take what you are hearing and direct it back to God.

4. Submit to the Ministry of Eli (wisdom).

  • Seek the counsel of a mature beliver

5.  Expect the Mercy of confirmation.

  • Look for God to use circumstances, scripture, and other believers to confirm His direction for you.  

God want's you to know His will.  Listen, Listen deep. Listen early and often to the Spirit within you.  That is how you start to hear Him. 

Praying you and I will hear from Him, and know with out a doubt it is God speaking!  

Have a Blessed Day!  


Monday, May 7, 2018

Listen! God’s in Charge, Not You!

This past week at work was crazy!  We had stormy weather which in turn makes for some stormy behaviors from kids and adults alike!  I was exhausted by the time Friday came, and I am sure it showed in my words, thoughts, and behavior.  On top of all of this, I have really been trying to start each day in prayer and reading a devotion/scripture.  I did pretty good with that, but boy does Satan like to push his lies in on you when you are pushing out the bad and living for God.   

We started our new Study Monday Night and I was encouraged by those who were able to be there, and for what I believe God will do in the lives of those who are attending.  

Chapter One in our book: Discerning the Voice of God. starts with this scripture in Ecclesiastes.  

5 Watch your step when you enter God’s house.
    Enter to learn. That’s far better than mindlessly offering a sacrifice,
        Doing more harm than good.
2 Don’t shoot off your mouth, or speak before you think.
Don’t be too quick to tell God what you think he wants to hear.
God’s in charge, not you—the less you speak, the better.
Ecclesiastes 5:1-2

WOW!  Talk about really getting to the point!  God's in charge not me!  I could have just read that and stopped there!  But my goal is to grow, and to deepen my relationship with God.  I really want to hear from Him.  And I know I can't do that if I am not spending time with  Him, in His word, and with His people.

As I read through chapter 1, so many things stood out to me like:
If I wanted to hear, I had to listen!
Creating time, space, and opportunity to hear God is paramount for those of us who desire to sense His spirits conviction to receive his detailed guidance, and to discern His intimate leading.

 If we want to be able to sense His direction, we must slow down, quite our hearts, and listen for the way His Spirit communicates.

When reading His word, it means approaching it with an open mind and heart that’s not already bogged down with my own opinions and ideas of what the text is saying.

In the regular rhythms of life, it means being willing to wait and watch, to sense where God is moving before I hurt to make a decision. It means not having all the answers I’d like to have but not becoming frazzled by that, staying quiet and patient as He gives me what I do need to know...

If we’re always impatient, we leave little space for Gods direction to resonate in our already crowded schedules.

Take into your heart all my words which I will speak to you and listen closely.
Ezekiel 3:10

One of the most common reason we don’t hear from God is perhaps the most obvious: We’re not listening!

I believe the most practical way we can begin to discipline ourselves in this area is our prayer lives.
We need to deliberately carve out time in our prayer life to be still and listen for Gods voice.

 Deliberately listening for God’s voice seems to be a lost art these days .  Let’s be honest, listening period is a lost art.

 We think all of our bustle and busyness and the pursuit of Christian living somehow makes Him more likely to speak to us once He recognizes how hard were willing to work for him   Oh how wrong we are with this kind of thinking!

 The enemy win the victory every time we let our jam-packed schedule is invade the sanctuary for quiet time with God .   And we allow it to happen, we set a precedent that the rest of our lives seem to end up following.

 This is why I’ve been so deliberate the last two weeks, making sure that I am in his word and spending time with him before I do anything else each morning .  I know however, that I definitely have a lot more work to do in this area .   Some days I feel like I rushed through my time with Him so I can get onto the next thing.

 Listening to God is a purposeful activity that we are supposed to start doing.  It is the investment of time we was make in order to yield the spiritual  dividends we so desperately need .

Carving out time in prayer to purposely listen for God’s voice-His voice and nothing else-retrains us so we can hear the spirits whisper and gain the ability to hear him clearly.
Stopping to listen to him enables us to become familar with what a sense of God’s presence feels like well in large in our understanding of his plans for us, seeing them emerge into the light.

Until we intentionally discipline ourselves to be still and listen, we’ll miss most of what He is saying.

 So how do we do that?

For me I need to remove any distractions, this includes my phone, computer, and that never ending to do list.  Fight the urge to get up and move, to redirect stray thoughts as soon as they pop in my head.

I am still working on this every time I sit to have quiet time with God.  It has to be intentional.

How do you intentionally listen for God?

My Goal this next week is to slow down, speak less, listen more, and spend uninterrupted and  intentional time with God, in His Word.

Have a Blessed Day!

Sunday, April 29, 2018

Do No Harm

This weeks Sunday sermon really spoke to my heart.  Pastor Steve started a new sermon series on Keeping it Simple!  Its a study on John Wesley's teachings as the founder of the Methodist Church ways.

 He has Three General Rules for Methodist:  

  Seems pretty easy right!  NOPE!  We humans mess this up all the time!  Me included, or maybe I should say me especially.   Today we  touched on the first one, Do No Harm!  Seems simple enough, I am not an angry person by nature, and I can't imagine purposefully hurting someone physically.  But how often do my words hurt someone else, intentionally or not.

 This last few weeks I have been on the receiving end of some hurtful words spoken to me and directed at me, by few different people at different times.  I am a people pleaser by nature so this is really hard for me!  I do not like to disappoint people, or be on their bad side.   Both times I stewed on it for days allowing their words to continually loop a recording of it in my head.  Both times I allowed it to distract me from hearing Gods truth. 

This mornings sermon reminded me of God's truth, He gave us free will!  We have to choose how to use it, to live life out with this free will.

Galatians 5:13-15 The Message (MSG)13-15 It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

Wow! Am I living this out in my life?  Am I careful with my words-not only to others but to myself as well?  

Matthew 22:37-40 The Message (MSG)
37-40 Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Everything in Gods law comes down to two things: Love God and Love People!  What would our world look like if we did this?

Pastor Steve gave us a red string to tie around our wrist, so that we would be reminded of this.  So that as we go through our days this next week, we will be reminded of this truth, to Love God and Love People!

 As followers of Jesus Christ we are called to live out our faith-  to serve others, to feed the poor,  to love God and his people.   When we  don’t do this we are not living out our purpose.

Do No Harm!   This includes to  myself what things am I saying to myself what words loop through my brain time after time that don’t follow God‘s truth to love him and love other people !   We can bring harm to ourselves with our thoughts,  with our words, and it plays out in our lives through bad relationships, and unhealthy eating, bad choices that we make.   Does the soundtrack of my life honor God?   If not what can I do to make it so that it does !?

Hurting people hurt people! I need to rember this when someone speaks unkind, hurtful words to me.

 No set of laws rules or regulations can guarantee that the spirit will live in us!  But God‘s word does!

Galatians 5:18 English Standard Version (ESV)
18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

That's my goal, to be led by the Spirit. I know I can not do this on my own! I need to be connected to God. So how do I do this? Prayer, time in His word, and spending time with other believers. 

 It's funny how God works sometimes.  Not like ha ha funny but like wow, how did I not see this coming, kinda funny. I have been struggling, and feeling like I haven't heard from God, like He is being silent.  I know He is with me and hasn't left me, even-though I struggle with feeling alone, not enough.  I have allowed His truths to be taken over by the noise of this world lately.  In one way its with those thoughts and words that loop through my mind: You are not smart enough, good enough, enough!!  So next time those things start overshadowing Gods truth, I need to remember I am enough because my God is bigger than those lies!

With today’s sermon, some daily devotions I have been reading and the new study I am about to embark on, I know without a doubt God is with me. He is showing me through these things. These reoccurring truths.  And  As I am preparing to start a new Bible Study tomorrow.  Discerning the Voice of God I am excited to see where God is going to show up, what He will speak to me and to the other women who will be on this journey with me.

Have a Blessed Day! 

Saturday, April 21, 2018


I am getting ready to start leading a new Bible Study, Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer.  We are reading the book by the same name and will be reading a chapter a week, then applying the truths from that chapter to our lives.  I am excited to get started leading this because it's an area of my life I feel like I have been slaking.  I allow business to get in the way of my relationship with God and then wonder why I struggle to hear Him or feel His presences. 

By leading the study (really just facilitating, it's a group effort to lead these things) I stay accountable to pray regularly.  I to pray for those who attend the study and any request I know they may have.

I stay more focused in the word. Reading the Bible and really trying to hear what God is saying in the verses I have read.

And finally the biggest part for me is the relationships/friendships that  grow because of these studies and of course Gods prompting. 

I have been pre-reading the book to get an idea of what we will be discussing and also so that I am able to help lead each week.  Wow!  I know this book is going to be good! 

I know prayer is an area of my life that I have always struggled, I have brief periods where I really felt like God was speaking to me, not in loud audible voice but more in confirming truths.  And I am hoping that through this study that I will gain some tools, and insight on how to focus on what and how God is speaking to me.  And my prayer is that those Ladies that need this will attend or at-least buy and read the book.  As we go through this study I will be posting on here about it.

On another note I have felt pulled away from God lately and I know it's me, and not God abandoning me.  I have been very unhappy in this place and I am not sure why.  I can't define anyone thing that makes me feel this way.  For a while I have felt like it's because my family is all in Ohio and I am here in Kansas.  I believe God brought us here for a purpose, I just wonder now if we have fulfilled that purpose and it's time to move on or is it my selfish desires to be close to my family that is making me unhappy!?! 

Don't get me wrong I love my job (most days), and the church we are at is wonderful!  I just have felt like something is missing.

 I am trying to rediscover who I am and what I like. It's hard when your whole existence has been wrapped up in being someones mom or wife.  I love those roles and am so blessed to have them, but I need to also be me.  I am not sure who that is exactly.  Maybe this is my mid-life crisis and  I am just trying to figure out who I am, where I belong.  Or maybe I am just crazy!  I wonder if I am the only one that feels this way.  I have to believe I am not!  I am a part of this group on Facebook for parents of kid who have "Grown and Flown" and many of the ladies in this group post about exactly what I am feeling.  What's next? What happens to us as moms when the kids are no longer dependent on us?  When we've done the best we can not to completely screw them up, so that they can become productive members of society. 

One thing I have started doing is  I started taking better care of myself and my physical needs. Like eating healthier, exercising, and taking a little time for myself.  I have been walking, a little weight lifting and am hoping to get back to running soon. Maybe through this, and adjusting my prayer life, and my spiritual life as whole I will begin to figure out who I am. 

The good thing is I know whose I am, so I know and truly believe I am not alone in this battle.  Satan really tries to pull us away and make us believe that God has abandoned us or that we are the only ones who feel this way so there must be something wrong with us.  I think I have allowed that doubt to creep in, and now I have to dismiss these lies.  I don't believe things to be a coincidence.  This past few weeks in youth we have talking about putting on the lenses of God.  Seeing the world through Jesus and His Word. 

This last week we touched on loneliness and finding fulfillment in things of this world.

Oh Boy am I there!  And I think its a lack of really connecting, really hearing what God is saying to me.  So over the next few months as we go through this book study, my prayer is that I will hear from God. (The neon sign, bonk on the head, realization that God is speaking to me) That that connection will grow and unlike our home wifi it will be strong, and always available! 

My prayer for you is that you also will feel that connection with God and know He is real, He is with you, and Created you. 

1 Corinthians 14:15 Amplified Bible (AMP)
15 Then what am I to do? I will pray with the [a]spirit [by the Holy Spirit that is within me] and I will pray with the mind [using words I understand]; I will sing with the spirit [by the Holy Spirit that is within me] and I will sing with the mind [using words I understand].

This scripture in Psalm 139 keeps coming to mind and it's my prayer right now:

Psalm 139 The Message (MSG)
A David Psalm
139 1-6 God, investigate my life;
    get all the facts firsthand.
I’m an open book to you;
    even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
    I’m never out of your sight.
You know everything I’m going to say
    before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you’re there,
    then up ahead and you’re there, too—
    your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
    I can’t take it all in!

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

Have a Blessed Day!