Saturday, October 27, 2012

In the Valley.... but not with out Hope!

Over the past few months I have been feeling like God was doing a new thing in my life.  At first I blew it off, like I do so often when God is trying to work.  It's hard to explain what exactly it was because I am not sure it is any one thing.  I have been feeling discontent.  Like I needed more, or maybe something different.   It wasn't until recently that I have begun to see what it is God is doing. 

 It's not always easy being in ministry but I do feel as if God has not only called my husband (as a Children's Pastor) but us as an entire family to be involved in ministry.  He provides for us in ways that I can't even explain, other than to say that our needs are always met.  (and even some most of our wants) 

Back to to the feelings of discontent, please know it's not that we don't find joy in our current position we do!  We love our church family, the community we are in and the people we interact with.  That's why this is such a hard thing to process. That God would ask us to seek out something more, different, not necessarily better, but better for us, better for what God wants to do in and through us.

 I don't always understand why God has called us into this season but I know He is with us every step of the way.  He shows up everyday! (I often pray : "God, give me the Neon sign, Bonk on the head!") You see God knows my heart.  My anxious thoughts, my fears, my need to plan, to know whats going on and each day in this journey He has given me a little nugget of His Truth, His Love for me, His understanding that I need proof.  Don't get me wrong I know if my faith were as "big" as God then I wouldn't have these fears, worries etc.. but it's not. I am human, I need reassurance and the great thing about God is He knows that.  

This current journey is not easy! But nothing worth fighting for is.  The past few weeks have been the toughest, but best!  I know that seems like a great big contradiction but it's my life! I don't know if you've ever walked in a valley then looked back one you were on the mountain top and saw how God was with you each step of the way, how He provided for you, How He worked each step right there with you or not but I have.  It's those valley moments that I treasure most, because I know it's not my own strength or power that got me to the mountain top but God's!  

And that's what I am holding onto right now, experiencing the valley moment knowing God is right here with me, showing me, loving me, guiding me, never leaving me alone!  I hope this to be a testament to God's work in my life, that I will be obedient to that call.  That I will see God at work and my faith will grow stronger.  

Yesterday was one of those times, I said to the hubby:  "you know I need to plan things!  I need to know some details.  I don't need the whole picture just a little piece, a snippet"  Hubby replied "be patient!" (I am not very patient!  Ugh!!!!!) A few hours later an email came.  I wasn't an offer but it was that little snippet, that God knew my need and fulfilled it!  Thank You Jesus! I have something like this each day over the past two weeks.  I cry out, sometime verbally sometimes just in my head, and God responds!  Isn't that just like Him!  

As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength. 
Psalm 138:8


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